He’s quite mad, you know… Every word and sentiment belongs to Joe and I’m not permitted to edit or alter so much as an apostrophe.
So here it is – Joe’s blog, and I expect he’ll carry on writing it until the men in white coats drag him away.
As usual, I was sitting comfortably watching TV when Snow White rang the door bell.
Her dulcet tones tinkled through to our living room. “Joe? Are you at home?”
Although I do not wish to disappoint my Blog Reader, I fear that this, my latest, may do so.
I am sitting in the lamp with Genie, hiding from The Dear One (TDO) who is searching for me.
“Joe! Are you hiding in the lamp again?”
“Well come out at once! I have some chores for you to do.”
So far, blog-readers, I’m sure you’ll agree, my tales have related nothing extraordinary and are comfortably within the experiences of any everyday Joe or Josephine. Who has not ordered an iceberg, from either pole, available from any reputable online shop?
(Cue Monty Norman’s iconic James Bond Theme.)
Even The Dear One is unaware of my Alter Ego. As a member of Military Intelligence, my code name is Treble Zero. Now and then I touch base with HQ in London where I am afforded the respect due a top field agent.
“Oh not you again!” says Miss Punnymenny, secretary to my Boss (Code Name F). Continue reading
The Dear One (TDO) was tapping out a few more pages for her latest book, dusting the shelves above her desk with a feather duster, and speaking to me, all simultaneously, thus proving as fact a woman’s ability to multi-task.
I have succumbed to hypnosis, first by Miss Ostrich, and now the chickens. (See previous blog.) Such a state of affairs must be addressed and I am resolved to venture forth on a pilgrimage to discover The Meaning of Life and my role in the world. I inform Vicky, The Dear One (TDO) of my decision and receive a snort of derision accompanied by howls of laughter from Genie. Continue reading
I was sitting comfortably in the lamp with my feet on Genie’s soft fat belly, watching the Olympics. (A doubting reader should note that this is a magic lamp and therefore anything is possible.) It will be remembered (see my previous Blog) that Miss Carrie Compton had usurped my position in the main house, following my dismissal by Vicky, The Dear One (TDO). Continue reading
Despite being dumped in exchange for Miss Ostrich, (see previous blog) Miss Vicky never gave up on me. Somehow she knew that her new rival harboured sinister motives, and hoped to reveal them to me before I was completely converted to the Dark Side. Continue reading
My sincerest apologies if I offended any of Victoria’s friends in my first blog, and I would very much like to redress the balance with a fairer description of her character. Continue reading
All my life, at least since I was 9, I have wanted to be a writer. Now that I am aged and ancient the experiment is long overdue. I have made several previous attempts but each has ended in tears, all my own. Continue reading