A random page from Two Old Fools in Turmoil

The bat and the mayor – a random page from Two Old Fools in Turmoil, the next book in the Old Fools series, to be published this year. *fingers crossed*


Something black shot out, swooped round the room and clung sootily to a picture frame.

“Aaaagh!” I yelled. “It’s a bat!”

I’m not at all frightened of bats outside in the fresh air. I think they are wonderful creatures, and they certainly did a grand job of devouring El Hoyo’s flying insect population. I loved the way they flitted round the lamp posts, and their tiny squeaks made me smile. But I have to admit, I don’t like the idea of bats flying round my head indoors. Specially scared, sooty bats.

“Quick, open the front door,” Joe ordered.

I flung the door open but the bat was too frightened to move, and merely blinked.

“Perhaps we should throw something over it,” I suggested, using the royal ‘we’ as I had no intention of doing it myself.

“Hmmm… Good idea,” said Joe, grabbing my favourite white T-shirt which I’d foolishly left lying around.

He hurled it at the poor creature, but the bat sat tight, its tiny hands gripped around the picture frame, its eyes regarding us over its shoulder. My T-shirt slid to the floor, soot-smeared.

“I know, I’ll get the little fishing net, if I can find it. Stay there, Vicky, and watch the bat. We don’t want it hiding somewhere in the room and coming out later.”

“Can’t I go and look for the net?” I argued, but Joe had already gone.

“Right, Batty,” I said quietly. “Just you hang in there and behave until Joe comes back with a net. We’ll soon have you outside.”

But the bat was restless. To my horror, it looked around, twitched, then sprang into the air.

“Aaaagh!” I yelled, crouched down and covered my head, trying hard to follow its flightpath as it circled the ceiling.


I must have jumped a foot in the air.

“Beaky! What are you doing?”

A figure stood in the doorway, blocking out the light. I knew that voice. It was Pancho the mayor. I half-straightened, my eyes searching the ceiling, but in that fraction of a second when I’d been distracted, the bat had disappeared.

“Poor Beaky!” said Pancho, walking into the room. His English was good, but his nasal voice always made my name sound like Beaky. “Are you sick?”

“No, no!”

“You must not be afraid, there is nothing here.”


“Why were you crouching on the floor, poor Beaky? And why do you keep rolling your eyes to the heavens?”

“I’m not rolling my eyes!”

“Poor Beaky,” said the mayor, taking my hand and raising it to his lips. “You look pale. I am thinking your husband does not look after you properly. Perhaps he would let me take you out for a soothing drive. Or a quiet drink in my office at the Town Hall.”

My mouth dropped open. Where was Joe with that wretched net?

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31 Responses to A random page from Two Old Fools in Turmoil

  • I love this blog. I’ve never come across it before. I love to see people in their later years who are in high spirits. I work fitting wheelchair ramps and steps in the UK and I wish more of my clients were like you! I always feel that the UK has somehow failed the pensioners, and I dream of retiring somewhere very far away from old blighty!

    • Hi! Thank you for the kind words, and yes, we love life! It’s probably easier in a sunny climate, maybe? If you’d like a free download of my first book, Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools, do pop over to the Free Stuff page. You can read the book on a tablet, phone, Kindle or computer. I do hope it makes you chuckle and I’ll happily send downloads to your clients if it might cheer them up. 🙂 Thank you so much for making contact. 🙂

      • Hello ” Beaky”
        Do hope all is going well for you and Joe, and that 2017 gets better and better.
        I grew up on a sugar cane farm in north Queensland, and indoor bats were the order of the day ( the night actually). We children had to sleep on an unenclosed veranda i.e. only two walls( heaven knows why, as there was a perfectly good bedroom next door, always vacant, which was I guess kept for ” visitors”/who never visited.)
        So having been batty for much of my childhood, I can appreciate your trepidation.
        Looking forward to your publication
        Warm regards
        Kerry Daly

  • Ha ha! You haven’t lost your touch – looking forward to the whole thing now.

  • Ha ha brilliant, I can’t wait to read the book now xx

  • Beaky, I hope that bat flew out the door. I can’t wait to read the rest.

  • So far I have all your books on my Kindle. Since I love Malaga, Spain I have enjoyed these. I have never been to Australia .
    Thank you for writing these books!!!

  • Sounds as though it’s going to be another winner. I have thoroughly enjoyed all the others and can’t wait for it to be published!

  • Looking forward to your next “Spanish” book! Please do contact us and drop in for a visit, Vicky and Joe, if you’re ever coming down to the Shoalhaven Heads area of NSW. Our Seven Mile Beach is so lovely. Bring your dog! Our relocatable homes/caravan park accepts dogs. You might enjoy a recuperative holiday down here. 🙂 We’d love to meet you in person!

  • Looking forward to reading Fools in Turmoil, Beaky!

  • Dear, Lovely Beaky (OMG, how precious!!!)… I am so delighted that Joe is doing well and that you have loving critters, family and friends to keep your spirits lifted even when they are a bit dejected. Understandably so, having been dealing with the fright of illness and ER visits. Know that your fans (that would include me just in case you were wondering) are celebrating you and your delightful, inspiring and witty story telling.
    The snippet you share from your latest work of art had me laughing my guts out! What a fabulous read to come home to after a day at work that held it’s own serving of sourpuss attitude (names withheld to respect the privacy of Mr. Crabbypants). I don’t know how I will muster the willpower to stop thinking about this treasure. It tawaits all of us who follow your captivating chapters in a life so full of vivacity.
    From my heart to yours…

  • So sorry… The last sentence should read “It awaits…”

  • I am so looking forward to the next chapter of your life in Spain, and also in the future, your adventures in Australia.
    Is there any news of the next book in the Sixpenny Cross series?
    No pressure!

    • Hello Sandra, thank you for following our adventures so loyally. As soon as Turmoil is finished and out there, I shall be concentrating on the next Sixpenny Cross story. It’s called C is for the Captain. Joe and I have already worked it all out, it just needs writing, haha! 🙂

  • I will look forward to your new book Victoria, thank you for letting me know.

  • Hi Victoria
    I have loved your books, started reading them when I lived in the UK. I’m pleased Joe is well, his book brought many memories back as I also lived in Joburg but I’m now in Arboleas (Spain) and loving it.

    I was wondering, hmmm when is your new book out, any date yet? I can see Amazon now saying “Oh NOOOO, websites down, must be that new book by Victoria Tweed, it’s set off a real stampede!!”

    Both of you take care

    • Hello Moyra, so you lived in Jo’burg too? Glad you’re loving Spain!

      YES! (sighs with relief) The next Old Fools book, Turmoil is finished and in the hands of editors and beta readers and is awaiting its cover design. It will definitely be out before Christmas. Thank you for asking, and thank you for the kind words. See you on Facebook! 🙂

  • glad everything is going well for you and Joe.
    read all your previous old fools series.a book a week whilst enjoying a pint of bitter in my local club

  • Just found all your books, loved them. Please tell me you are going to be writing me of yours and Joe’s adventures now that you are moving to Australia. I want to hear all about the house search and Joe’s recovery.

    • Hello Tracy – thank you for finding my books! Yes, the next Old Fools book is already a work in progress and will be called “Two Old Fools Down Under”. I’m just writing a couple of Sixpenny Cross tales first, which are fiction, to give myself a break, haha!

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