Joe’s Blog – Flights of Fancy

I have succumbed to hypnosis, first by Miss Ostrich, and now the chickens. (See previous blog.) Such a state of affairs must be addressed and I am resolved to venture forth on a pilgrimage to discover The Meaning of Life and my role in the world. I inform Vicky, The Dear One (TDO) of my decision and receive a snort of derision accompanied by howls of laughter from Genie.

“You won’t get far,” TDO comments as I enclose a few edibles into a polkadot handkerchief that I fasten to a stick and sling across my shoulder. Without a word I depart hearth and home determined never to return until I know All The Answers.

A month later I am flying, soaring actually, high above the earth. I imagine I am dreaming but this is reality. Not finding water, I collapsed, dehydrated, and was snatched up by a vulture. She tells me her name is Señora Gallinazo Chulo Zamuro Zopilote de Buitre and she is carrying me to her nest as a plaything for her chicks. Another month has elapsed and by now the chicks and I are great pals. We share the regurgitated food that Señora de Buitre regularly brings and I am fast turning into a most becoming Griffon Vulture. My legs are now scaly and I am sprouting a wonderful pair of wings. Soon will be My Maiden Flight!!

Vulture

I take off. The air whistles through my feathers but my descent is far too rapid. At the very last moment I spread my wings and avoid total disaster. Unfortunately it is not enough to dodge a mountain which I clatter into with a thump. I roll down and find myself in a culvert beside a main road. I look up and, apart from circling stars, I espy TDO who is out shopping with Genie. Apparently they witnessed the whole event. By now I had hopped onto the road and, for my protection, the traffic is being held up in both directions.

“What is it?” enquired an amazed TDO.

“It’s my Master,” answered Genie.

“Don’t be silly, Genie! It looks like a vulture!”

“Yes Madam. Master has become a Griffon Vulture.”Genie

Having lost the ability to speak, I squeaked.

“Squeak! Squeak!” said I.

“Master says he wants to come home,” explained Genie.

Cutting a long story short, I did return home and Genie changed me back into Joe. The only difficulty is that TDO still believes that the vulture story in Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools has nothing to do with me, despite what Genie and I say. As for knowing All The Answers, I now do, but, like Cassandra, nobody will believe me.

Joe Twead

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