Victoria Twead

Old Fools Blog

Victoria Twead nagged her long-suffering partner, Joe, into moving from England to Spain in 2004. They settled into a tiny mountain village in Andalucía, became reluctant chicken farmers and ended up owning probably the most dangerous cockerel in Spain. Victoria’s hilarious record of their culture shock and life with the villagers is told in her book, ‘Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools’ and the sequels.

Cat after cat after cat

Until the Spanish begin to neuter their cats, there will always be a huge feral population. When we moved to El Hoyo in 2004, we were surprised at how many cats roamed the village, but I guess we’re used to it now. Although not domesticated, they all seem healthy and manage to exist on a diet of lizards, birds and anything else they can catch or scrounge.

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Old Fool’s Blog – My baby is born

I feel as though I’ve given birth to an elephant. I’m exhausted. In the very early hours of the morning of Friday, 25th of July, 2014, after a long painful labour, Two Old Fools in Spain Again was born, weighing just one pound. That’s the paperback, of course, the Kindle edition weighs nothing at all.

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Two Old Fools and the Gas Scam

Spring has arrived here in Spain. The birds are frantically nest-building, bright green leaves are unfurling and the sky is clear and blue.
Unfortunately, just one dark cloud hovered above us this month. I’ll tell the story here in the hopes that fellow expats avoid being caught in the same way.

Two Old Fools and Expat TV

One could almost hear the howls of anguish from expats across Europe this month, and Joe’s was probably the loudest. We’d been warned, although I don’t think anybody really believed it was going to happen. But it did. One day all the BBC channels simply vanished from our screens.

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Two Old Fools and a Delivery

It’s an uncomfortable feeling being without passports. We applied a month ago, and paid a hefty fee to have them delivered by courier. Had we filled out the forms correctly? Were our photographs acceptable? Had the passports got lost in the Christmas mail? Were they destroyed in the terrible floods that the UK suffered recently? Receiving mail has always been a bit of a problem in El Hoyo, as it often arrives on the fish van or needs collecting from the Repsol garage at the bottom of the mountain.

Two Old Fools and Spots

Nobody likes being covered from head to toe in big red blotches, and I’m no exception.Unfortunately, that is what happened to me this month. Some kind of allergy maybe? I felt fine but looked like I’d been stung by a swarm of bees.

And, of course, it had to happen when our village was holding its annual fiesta.

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Two Old Fools and Homesickness

Another season is drawing to a close, can you believe it? Joe and I have never once suffered from homesickness since we left England in 2004. We adore everything about our life in El Hoyo; the people, the weather, the food and the slow pace of life centred around families. If only our family weren’t so far away…

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A Rant… Grrrr…

Two Old Fools on a CamelI opened my laptop this morning and ran my eye down the emails that had arrived overnight. Two lovely letters from readers. Some pictures of my granddaughter from Australia. A couple of invitations to join online casinos and other spam.

And an email from Amazon. I clicked it open…

This is what it said: Continue reading →

Hard Water

Nature has been playing tricks on us here in Spain. Some days we’ve been fooled into thinking summer has arrived, with clear blue skies and scorching sun. I packed away our winter clothes but soon regretted it.

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Spanish Oranges

 

At the bottom of our mountain, an elderly farmer sits on an upturned crate beside his ancient car at the side of the road. The wind is cold, and the old man wears woollen gloves and a scarf, his shoulders hunched in a heavy coat. Under his flat cap, he watches the traffic pass, waiting for people like us who can’t resist his wares.

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Free promotion for authors

5star-email-both

I’m a British author living up a mountain in Spain. I’m supposed to be writing the fourth book in my Two Old Fools series but have got a little sidetracked with this Book Corner project. But I’ll begin at the beginning, and explain how it all began…

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Wildfires in Spain

We don’t seem to have had a regular winter here in Spain this year. February is usually the coldest, wettest month of the year, but this February has been glorious. It’s been wall-to-wall blue skies and sunshine, very little rain, and not a single snow-flake. (I’m not complaining, although Paco next door shakes his head and says it’s not good for the olive and grape harvest this year.) The lack of rain probably explains this unusual event…

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Caterpillars can kill you

It’s that time of year again, and I don’t mean Valentine’s Day. I mean the time when Spain’s most dangerous creatures appear.

I’m talking about the Pine Processionary caterpillars that make nests in the pine trees of Spain. Don’t underestimate them, they are deadly. Keep your pets away from them, and don’t try to destroy them yourself. 

If you are holidaying in Spain at this time of year, BEWARE.

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Two Old Fools on a Camel is out!

Click pic to see reviews on Amazon

Click pic to see reviews on Amazon UK

Hurrah! Just in time for Christmas, Two Old Fools on a Camel was published! Joe edited it, and it’s been professionally edited again by the lovely Mindy Sampson. My son designed the cover, Ant Press converted it for Kindle, Kobo and iPad, so there was nothing left to do except chew my nails and wait for readers’ reactions… Continue reading →

Two Old Fools and the Colour Red

I like the colour red. I thought about the significance of that colour as I gave my latest book, ‘Two Old Fools on a Camel’, which describes our year in the Bahrain, a final check before publishing. We’ve enjoyed eight Christmases in El Hoyo, our village in the Spanish mountains, and one in the Middle East.

Of course they differ hugely, but the colour red is significant in both.

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Horizon Fever

Well, we’ve finished sorting through all the scrapbooks and photos, and my son has designed a fabulous cover…

Horizon Fever is finished and published on Amazon. Whew!

It’s now available both in Paperback and eBook editions from Amazon and all the other usual outlets.

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Two Old Fools & Memory Loss

Long before we moved to El Hoyo in 2004, Joe’s been forgetful. Before now, he’s  put the phone in his sock drawer, and he’s locked the keys in the boot of the car countless times.

Once he left the engine running in our parked car the whole time we were shopping, around two hours. He’s left the chickens’ gate open, allowing them to range freely through my precious raised flower beds, leaving nothing but stalks. Get the idea?

The Next Big Thing -Two Old Fools on a Camel

Out of the blue, my good friend, Kiersten Rowland, contacted me and asked if I’d like to take part in the Next Big Thing online event. She’s a passionate animal and wildlife lover, and writes a brilliant blog about life and times in the Alpujarras. Of course I said ‘yes’. For you, Kiersten, anything!
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Security in Spain

 

On the other side of our valley, there’s a holiday house owned by Brits. They rarely use it and most of the time it stands locked and unused.

In the last week of August, Geronimo and his mule passed our house and stopped to bang on our door.

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Royal Flush – By Scott Bartlett

I first came across Scott Bartlett and his wacky book, ‘Royal Flush’, back in 2009. The writing made me laugh then, and so did the author, a charming young Canadian. The novel is finished and published now, collecting a prestigious award along the way. If you like quirky, well-written humour, you’ll love this!

Victoria Twead Continue reading →

Letter to my brand new granddaughter

 

Hello Indy Grace,

We haven’t met yet, but I’m your grandmother. Welcome to the world, little one. The world is a big place, and you and your Mum and Dad live in Australia, on the other side of the world. We live in Spain, but that isn’t going to stop us coming to see you as often as we can.

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Cockroaches in the kitchen

It all began last month when I got up in the middle of the night and came to the kitchen for a glass of water. I switched on the light and, to my horror, saw black shapes scuttling into the shadows. Cockroaches! I ran back to the bedroom and woke Joe.

“Joe! We’ve got cockroaches in the kitchen!”

 

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Two Old Fools and Pink

Hurrah! All the decorating is finished, inside and out. We’ve splashed white paint into every nook and cranny and everything looks fresh and clean. Joe’s bad back is better, although he still complains about his scraped knees (from kneeling on the roof), his bruised thumb (trapped under a plank of wood) and gashed finger (changing a light bulb).

 

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Two sides of the Spanish coin – part 1

When Joe and I decided to move to Spain, we knew we wanted to live in the country and were determined to leave the rat-race behind. We wanted mountain views, wildlife, big open spaces and the experience of fitting into Spanish village life. So, for us, El Hoyo was the perfect choice, if full of surprises…

Karen McCann is a fellow expat living in Spain and author of a very witty, engaging book called Dancing in the Fountain. Unlike Joe and I, she and her husband chose city life and are extremely happy in Seville. This is how they found their house… Continue reading →